Reconnecting Families in Addiction Recovery

The very nature of addiction puts people who are going through it in different roles. Values systems, morals, choices and other factors tend to automatically place people those who are dealing with substance use disorder, both directly and within their family, in certain positions have come to be common elements in the family recovery and healing processes. Understanding these roles can help you and your family more effectively navigate the aftermath of addiction.

• The Addict – While the term has come to be something of a pejorative, addict doesn’t have to, or shouldn’t be, a loaded word. Getting rid of the negative connotations associated with the word and ridding the mind of all negative stereotypes is an important part of family healing. The addict literally has their brain chemistry hijacked by drugs or alcohol. As a result, they exist in a chaotic and gradually escalating state of dysfunction as they attempt to outrun withdrawal symptoms and chase their next high. Actions of an addict will invariably include lying, deceit, manipulation and aggression during active use.
• The Enabler – The enabler, however, well-intentioned, is often one of the main drivers of substance. They will either deny a problem exists, try to keep the peace, or please the addict because they’re in a co-dependent relationship. The enabler will often do things, like turn a blind eye to substance use, bargain with their addicted loved one, offer rides and money and constantly go back on accountability measures they initially put in place.
• The Hero – LThe hero will often try to bring the family together during the tough times often brought about by family substance use. They’ll emerge as a sort of “family leader” and try to get their family to coalesce around their addicted loved one. The hero often has a “type-a” personality and perfectionist tendencies and think that it’s their responsibility to try and fix things. This sense of pressure can actually affect their physical and mental health, while inadvertently getting in the way of a loved one’s recovery.
• The Scapegoat – The scapegoat is the person that gets blamed for issues within the family, while the addict is shielded from culpability in the drama and dysfunction. This is often someone who is particularly close with the addict and is in a position to enable their behavior.
• The Mascot – The mascot is constantly trying to defuse family tension by offering humor or distractions. They’re acutely aware of the trauma the family is experiencing and see it as their role to make everyone feel better. Unfortunately, this can often distract from addressing the reality of the problem and successfully intervening in a loved one’s addiction.
• The Mediator – – The mediator is a toned-down version of the hero. They’re the people who try to connect the addicted loved with the rest of their family to establish a dialogue and figure out a way forward in recovery. While the mediator has noble intentions, they often leave themselves open to abuse and hurt feelings by trying to exist in both worlds.
• The Lost Child – – The lost child is the member of the family that often feels overlooked, ignored and neglected as their loved one’s addiction looms large over the family. They tend to stay in the shadows and don’t get a lot of attention, nor do they seek it.

Each of these family roles interact differently with one another. The Recovery Unplugged Family Program strives to address the intricacies and complexities of all these personality types when present in the family.

One of the primary objectives of the Recovery Unplugged Family Program is to help family members learn how to support their loved one during recovery, and this begins with providing the proper measure of support in treatment. While it’s important that people in treatment know their loved ones are behind them, support during treatment may look different, based on what type of care a person is getting:

• Outpatient Treatment – In outpatient care, people have the opportunity to continue to connect with their families on a daily basis. Loved ones can provide support by continuing to ask them about their program, offer any type of assistance that make engaging with care easier (rides to treatment, helping with assignments when applicable, etc.).
• Inpatient Treatment – Inpatient or residential treatment allows participants to heal in a safe, compassion and distraction-free environment; however, it also means they’ll be away from their family and loved ones for a little while. During this time, loved ones can visit as much as possible, provide comfort and quality-of-life resources (food, blankets, clothes, books, etc.) while they’re there and reinforce how proud they are that they’re getting help.

One of the best ways to show your addicted loved one your support during their treatment and recovery is by participating in whatever family programs and events their treatment facility offers during their care.

Our Family Program is divided into a series of modules over the course of a weekend to help participants learn more about Recovery Unplugged and their role in their loved one’s lasting recovery. The process starts with the arrival of families and lunch, followed by:

Introductions – Participants are introduced to program personnel and are give a preliminary overview of the Family Program purpose and format.

Overview of Rules – Participants are given the rules of the program, which are included here for additional reference:

• Use of Drugs and Alcohol is Prohibited
• Group Should Not Be Discussed Outside of Group
• Clients’ Passes with Families Will Be Determined by the Clinical Team Prior to the Weekend Based on Medical and Clinical Necessity
• Attendees Must Attend and Be on Time for All Groups
• Facilitator Reserves the Right to Redirect and/or Remove Someone from the Group(s) if They are Disruptive to the Group Process
• There will be No Photography or Videotaping during the Program
• Phones Must be Turned Off

Family members are welcome to attend without the client if they choose.

Ice Breaker Sessions – Exercises to help participants get more acclimated to the program. These include our “Geography” and “Snowball Fight” modules. Geography allows participants to explain how they ended up in their current city and Snowball Fight allows participants to learn more about each other through a fun and creative game dynamic.

Brain Disease Model – Provides education on the disease of addiction and what it does to neurochemistry and the central nervous system to drive addictive behavior.

Client’s Creative Outlet – Clients select a song, write a letter, etc. that they feel best represents what they will do differently, or what they want their loved one to understand about their recovery journey thus far.

Loved One’s Creative Outlet – Families are informed that their loved one is working on an assignment to express where they are with their recovery journey and are encouraged to choose a song or creative outlet that will express to the group and to their loved one how their journey has been in supporting their loved one. 

Family Lunch – Families are given a handout with local restaurants to have lunch and instructed not to speak about anything involving Family Weekend or any emotionally charged issues, and instead enjoy their meal, enjoy each other’s company, and spend time together. 

Family Open Mic – Briefly review and discuss how lunch went, if it was difficult to avoid discussing hot- button issues, how it felt to just enjoy a meal together, etc.

Dedication Songs – Clients and families play a song that they chose in their assignment (completed prior to family weekend). Clients and family members sit on stage together and song with lyrics will be played. Family will briefly process why they selected this song, and client will have opportunity to reflect back on this.

Each day of Family Program begins with Morning Pump-Up to raise physical and emotional energy levels and ends with a review and recap of the day’s events and breakthroughs. Recovery Unplugged offers Family Program at all our locations, however, COVID-19 restrictions may temporarily apply. Contact the admissions staff at Recovery Unplugged to learn more about specifics of this program, and how it can help you and your family heal together in your long-term recovery.